An exhausted, anxious mind is exposed to overthinking, which may lead to overanalysing events- past, current or future- and assuming there is a problem. This creates worry, stress and a whirlwind of thoughts. By doing this you may turn these into self-fulfilling prophecies.
We all make assumptions, constantly, about anything and everything. It’s so easy to think we know what’s going on in someone else’s head but this is a trap we fall into far too often. We make a guess or assumption based on our imagination, past experiences or wishful thinking. How can we possibly know what’s going on in someone else’s head without asking them?
The most helpful thing we can offer others is genuine openness and regular communication. Assuming there is a problem means you’ve chosen to believe something, and have convinced yourself that this is a fact, although it is not based on any factual evidence, only that your mind has decided it to be true. A lot of damage can be done by confusing our assumptions with the truth.
We often don’t realise how much our inner world, thoughts, feelings, colour our outer world. Instead of basing our understanding of people and events on what we observe and what we know for a fact, we often prefer to make judgments based on our emotions, beliefs, expectations and wishes.
The goal is to stop making so many assumptions and start basing our understanding of people and the world on more tangible facts.
To do this, you simply pause as you’re jumping to conclusions and ask yourself, “How do I know this?”
If the answer to that is anything other than “I learned it through observing the evidence or by obtaining factual information,” then you’re at risk of making an incorrect assumption based on your emotions, beliefs, expectations and wishes.
You can even note down these thoughts as it might help you to see that they’re just assumptions. Ask yourself “Is this true?” and try to come up with any FACTUAL evidence that supports it. You’ll find most of the time that there isn’t, because it’s not based on fact, it’s based on emotion. It’s easy to convince yourself that your assumption is the truth, however this can be dangerous and lead to damaging relationships.
Try writing these thoughts down for a few weeks. How realistic is each thought? Is it a fact? What proof do you have that this is true, and what proof do you have it isn’t? Can you think of a situation from the past which shows that this sort of situation can work out just fine – for example, a time at work you made a big mistake but it didn’t affect your career? This can help you in differentiating your thoughts from reality and help you before you catastrophise a situation by assuming the worst.
If you’re struggling with this and need professional help to assist you in developing your emotional intelligence, and letting go of false assumptions, contact John Toussaint to make a booking.